Anniversary Challenge!

This week, my partner Les and I celebrated our 19th anniversary.  We chose to use our anniversary to make a statement and engage others about marriage equality.  You see, because we are both gay men and happen to be in love with one another and not someone of the opposite sex, our relationship is reduced to "boyfriend," "lover," or "partner" status opposed to having the right to marriage.  We would prefer to have spent the entirety of our anniversary in celebration, but felt that instead, we should visit our local county courthouse and demand a marriage license.  As we were walking into the building, a very happy opposite sex couple was leaving with a license in hand.  We entered the Clerk's office, took a number (D 134), and sat down to fill out our application.  Discrimination was evident from the get-go as we had to scratch out "Bride" in multiple place on the application and replace it with "Groom number 2".  When our number was up, we handed our application and drivers licenses to the lady behind the desk.  She looked the paper over, as well as our IDs and promptly informed us that due to a Florida statute, she would be unable to issue us a license because we are a same sex couple.  We discussed the issue with her, and even asked if she agreed with the statute (which she refused to answer).  We remained civil but made sure to push the issue a little instead of just taking her "no" and leaving.  I even asked her if she would be willing to step outside of the box and simply do the right thing.

I have organized marriage counter actions like this, and have participated in them before.  These can be powerful actions as they put faces to the issue.  They force government workers to look us in the eye while enforcing institutionalized homophobic discrimination.  They show our friends and neighbors, our coworkers, those waiting in the lobby with us that LGBT people are everywhere, and it isn't just New Englanders and Californians who think marriage equality is important.  While we were there, friends of ours discussed our action with a family who was there supporting an 18 year old getting her own marriage license.  This family cheered and applauded us as we left the building.  I guarantee you that the lady working the desk as well as the family in the waiting room went home and talked to others about the gay couple who was not allowed to get married.  When these people next hear a politician say something good or bad about "same-sex" marriage, instead of it being an abstract concept, they have real life people to associate with it.  That is huge!

Les and I issue a challenge to all LGBT couples out there:  when your anniversary comes around, if you live in a state where you cannot get married, visit the marriage counter!  Put your faces and names out there, let as many people as possible see us for the human beings with families we are.  This is an example of a simple, very low-risk action.  If you have never organized a protest or direct action before, this is one of the easiest to do.

Here are some simple steps for having a marriage counter action of your own.
1.  Plan ahead if possible.  You might want to get the word out, a crowd of friends can help to dramatize and further publicize your action.
2.  Prepare messaging.  Messaging is very important.  You want to pick one or two main talking points, main issues or reasons for doing what  you are doing.  Come up with different ways to express those talking points and practice getting those words out as eloquently as possible.
3.  Notify press.  Press is very important, but not everybody is comfortable talking to a camera or reporter, so be prepared with one or two strong bullet points.  It is best to send out an advisory a day or two ahead of time, and a press release the morning of your action. I would be more than happy to help with composing press releases, you can email me anytime!
4.  Come prepared.  While it is extremely rare, some offices in the past have decided to issued marriage licenses.  I can think of nothing worse than a couple showing up, a clerk saying yes, and that couple not having the required documentation or money ready.  You can find information on what is required in your state/county by clicking here!
5.  Be civil.  This can be a very emotional experience.  Even though you know you most likely will be turned down, it still can be hard to hear the words.  It is important to remain as civil as possible during the interaction with the government workers.  The last thing you want is to be perceived as rude or spiteful because, remember, those you interact with will see you as the face of marriage equality when the topic comes up in the future.
6.  Be strong and consistent.  Just because you are being civil, it does not mean you have to meekly take the "no" and leave.  Engage the worker with questions and statements.  Ask them why they cannot give you a license.  Ask for documentation, statute numbers, etc.  Many clerk's offices have had some training on this and will actually have a copy of your state's marriage statue on hand to provide you.  Give them a personal story, a reason why marriage is important to you as a couple.  Give them a statistic or two about "traditional" marriage in the USA.  You could also ask to speak to their supervisor and go through a similar scenario.  When you are done, thank them for their time.
7.  Get pictures and video!  Have a friend or family member take pictures and/or get video of your visit.  This is very important.  Direct action should always be documented.  Share pictures and videos online, particularly on social networking sites, share your experience with people (we all have friends or associates who don't really get why this is important, this can help educate them).
8.  Debrief.  Write about your experiences as soon as possible after your action.  Write, video log, audio, however you are most comfortable documenting things.  This gives you something to fall back on in the future, and gives a record of your experience.

I hope these steps help those of you who want to take part in our challenge.  Again, you can email me anytime with questions or comments.  So, couples, are you up for the challenge? 

Onward!
Jarrod

Queers meet with "DOMA DAVE" in NM!

Today, myself and fellow activist Janice Devereaux met with Rep. David C Chavez to have discussion about his "Super-DOMA", legislation he introduced in New Mexico this year that would have let the voters decide on a constitutional amendment defining marriage as between one man and one woman.  Having heard that he was very set in his views, I really did not go into this expecting much.  As a matter of fact, I expected to be asked to be fed rhetoric and anti-gay crap before being asked to leave.  On that, he did surprise me, but not in a good way.  Mr. Chavez actually refused to give us any of his own opinions or views on why he thought marriage was not for same sex couples.  He said that he expressed his opinion during the committee hearing and would not go into that today.  Instead, he wanted to hear our views on it.  We both expressed our views about discrimination, separating church and state, the immorality of a majority voting on the civil rights of a majority.  We continued to press him for a reason why he is championing this legislation.  He told us it was something some of his constituents asked him to do, so he did it.  He then went on to say that this is nothing new since other legislators have introduced similar legislation in the state for years.  When I asked him how many constituents asked him to do this, he backslid a bit and said it wasn't about numbers, and that some constituents asked for it as well as colleagues of his.  I then asked if a group of his constituents asked him to introduce legislation that would repeal key aspects of the Civil Rights act, would he introduce it just because he was asked to?  He refused to answer on grounds that it was a hypothetical.  We spent just over 10 minutes in his office discussing this, but it was clear that all he would give us was procedural talk about how legislation comes about, and how it is voted on, which we already knew.  We ended it since there was not going to be any chance of any type of intelligent (or otherwise) debate on the issue itself.  Janice actually ended by stating she wanted the right to have as many ex spouses as any heterosexual person (a direct jab at Mr. Hypocrite himself, a two time divorcee)!

This was one of the most frustrating meetings I have been a part of.  I would have preferred the anti-LGBT rhetoric to him simply refusing to state his opinion.  It is widely known how homophobic this man is, and insiders in Santa Fe say he rarely holds back on expressing his views or opinions on any issue!  With that being said, one can only surmise that he was intimidated by having two queers sitting in his office, and didn't have the gall to give us his own views.  In wrapping things up, he said that we will simply have to agree to disagree on this.  I told him that would be completely OK with me if we were talking "red or green", however, when it comes to my basic civil rights, that is an inexcusable comment.  He shrugged.  Meeting over.  Did we accomplish anything today?  On the surface, no.  Ultimately, though I hope we were able to show him that the LGBT community is not going to sit quietly and continue to let him try and harm us.  I do hope he loses his bid for state senate, and also sincerely hope that others in this great state will continue to call him on his shit if and when he is in office again!

Onward!